Fast and Furious 6

So, I'm a waiter.  It's good work and I love sleeping in every day. One time an old lady grabbed my butt.  Hey, it happens.  I consider it a work hazard.  One of the most important things I've learned in my years slinging drinks and dropping plates is that people want what they pay for.  If some old dude orders a steak sandwich medium-rare, I probably shouldn't bring him a salmon salad with a low-fat raspberry vinaigrette.  I get it.  When I order a bacon cheeseburger, I don't want seared Ahi tuna.  I want my heart-attack sandwich, and I want it nice and juicy.

I feel the same way about films.  If I'm in the mood to think about my place in the universe, then fall asleep, I'll put on Solaris.  Tarkovsky is the cinematic equivalent of warm milk.  If I'm in the mood to sit on the edge of my seat, choke on my Twizzlers, and applaud at great daring-do, I'll put on a Fast and Furious movie.  I'm not going to lie; I love these movies.  They're the equivalent of that great bacon cheeseburger, and director Justin Lin is the ultimate grill-master.  Over the past three films, Tokyo Drift, Fast and Furious, and Fast 5, Lin has created a sleek, streamlined, exciting environment where big men say what they mean and punch who they hate.  Lin has made this series his own in the same way David Yates did with the last four Harry Potter films.  He and recurring screenwriter Chris Morgan know who these characters are and, better yet, what the audience expects.

Lin and Morgan's winning streak continues with Fast and Furious 6.  Man, what a thrill ride.  I know that's a film review cliché.  Whatever, it's how I feel.  The movie is fast, simple, and clean.  The script doesn't do anything groundbreaking, but that is not a problem here.  The word "formula" has become another naughty "f" word in Hollywood.  So many Hollywood Blockbusters try to break the mold; they end up with messy stories and lame characters.  Justin Lin and Chris Morgan have no such fear of formula.  Fast 6 knows what genre it is in and follows the rules to the letter.  There's a bad guy.  He wants to steal a doomsday device.  The good guys have to stop him.  Stuff blows up.  For more examples, see every action movie made between 1984 and 1995.

The film does not simply go through the motions, however.  With each of his Fast and Furious films, director Lin raises the bar on action.  The explosions are bigger.  The crashes are crazier.  What sets Lin's action scenes apart is the childlike glee with which he directs them.  When I was five, I had a favorite spot for playing with my action figures.  It overlooked our staircase and it was perfect for hanging little plastic guys from pieces of my mom's yarn.  I would often tie toy cars to planes and hang the whole thing over the ledge.  My action figures would climb this big piece of swinging wreckage, fighting the whole time.  With Fast 6, it feels like Justin Lin watched my playroom sessions and storyboarded his film.  Tanks crush sports cars and blow up bridges.  Cars hang from planes by mono-filament cables.  What a great action movie word: mono-filament.  That's what Batman uses in his grappling hook.  Awesome.  Sorry...It's all a bit ridiculous, but it works.

As in the previous films, Lin tries to shoot as many of these action set-pieces on set and in-camera as he can.  He grounds the over-the-top action by cutting down on the use of digital effects.  True, we can see the help of computer graphics during many of the sequences, but the majority of the action is performed by real people in real cars.  I don't care how lifelike and realistic digital effects have become; I can always feel the difference when I watch a film.  The action scenes in Fast 6 are so effective because these are real people performing real death-defying stunts.  Since the beginning of cinema, we have marveled at the lithe movements of actors like Douglas Fairbanks and Jackie Chan as well as unsung stuntmen like Vic Armstrong and Buster Reeves.  You really can't replace the skill it takes to jump between moving cars with a matte painting and computer-generated actors.

Yep, Justin Lin uses real stunt men and real actors.  Well, I might not call Paul Walker an "actor"...more a guy who stands there and looks pretty.  Still, he doesn't get in the way of the real stars of this film: Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson.  I can't help it; these guys are great.  Along with Jason Statham, these are the only actors keeping the spirit of the 80s and 90s action star alive.  Diesel is like a cross between Lee Marvin and Arnold Schwarzenegger, with his gravelly voice and killer bod.  Johnson looks like he just ate a horse and bench-pressed my Toyota Camry.  I swear his biceps are wider than my thighs.  Next to the action, their budding bromance is the highlight of the film.  Take the scene from Predator where Arnold Schwarzenegger and Carl Weathers shake hands, their arms bulging and veins popping out.  Extend that for two hours.  That's Fast 6.  There's so much testosterone dripping off this movie, I think I actually grew more hair on my chest.  It's funny, considering all these guys are bald.

True, most of the character arcs are clichéd, but they really work in this genre.  There's amnesia, double crosses, and all kinds of cheesy dialogue.  Still, it's done with such gusto, you have to buy it.  There's nothing but sincerity as far as the eye the can see.  It would make old Linus proud, sitting in his pumpkin patch.   There are lines like "Show me how you ride and I'll show you who you are."  Wow.  How Vin Diesel said that without laughing is beyond me.  A lot of it feels like a big budget version Walker, Texas Ranger, but you gotta love it.

It's been a very weak start to the summer Blockbuster season.  Films like Iron Man 3 and Star Trek Into Darkness have shown what happens when a film tries to do too much and accomplishes little.  There's something to be said for a director who knows his strengths and weaknesses.  Tyrese Gibson and Ludacris are there for the comedy.  Vin Diesel is there to perform the greatest head-butt in movie history.  The cars are there to be destroyed and the girls are there to look really sexy. They do. They really, really do.  It's like one big, unhealthy, delicious meal.  Check please.